Thin-Skinned Deadpsin Writer Disses Ravens

Posted on August 15, 2012 by atomictv

(If this dude has lived here EIGHT YEARS and is still scared of goateed suburbanites in purple camo — well that’s just sad. On the other hand, he SHOULD be scared when Ray Lewis #52 read what he wrote about him. And what exactly is “Northern Maryland”? — BML)

Why Your Team Sucks 2012: Baltimore Ravens

By Drew Magary (Deadspin, 8/15/2012)

Some people are fans of the Baltimore Ravens. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Baltimore Ravens. This 2012 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.

1. There’s no white trash like Baltimore white trash.

I’ve lived in Maryland for eight years and I can tell you that northern Maryland white trash occupies its own distinct niche of the white-trash market. It’s as if the suburban Baltimore area were populated exclusively by fifth-grade gym teachers. These are the kind of people who wear camouflage Zubaz without a hint of irony. Every baby born in Baltimore County is born with a goatee, even the girls. If you could form a Jim Rome listener in a lab (and why wouldn’t you? THEY’RE CLONES), the resulting 250-pound dumbfuck would look an awful lot like a white-trash Ravens fan.

These people have NO sense of humor, nor any sense of self-deprecation. That’s how you end up with a fanbase that engages in a comical level of collective paranoia. Ravens fans like to pretend that they’re the U. Miami of the NFL. THEY’RE OUTLAWS! EVERYBODY’S OUT TO GET THEM! The refs have it in for the Ravens. The NFL has it in for the Ravens. Dan Rooney and his owner friends have it in for the Ravens. This pre-supposes that people actually give a shit about the Ravens. They don’t. The Ravens are a nothing franchise. They’re the Team That Shouldn’t Be. Baltimoreans have willed themselves to like this team even though they know, deep in their heart, it isn’t theirs. In a perfect NFL world, the Colts are still in Baltimore, the Browns are still the Browns, and Indianapolis remains a raging tire fire in the center of flyover country. These replacement Colts will never be as lovable to the rest of the NFL as the Baltimore Colts were. They’re the unwanted replacements. They’re the Sammy Hagar of NFL teams. Whoa hey, did someone say Sammy Hagar? BOBBY FROM TOWSON SAYS TURN THAT SHIT UP.

Continue reading “Why Your Team Sucks 2012: Baltimore Ravens” at Deadspin.

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The Unlikely Tale of Baltimore’s Oldest Hipster

Posted on August 15, 2012 by atomictv

Colleens and Resurrection
The unlikely tale of Baltimore’s oldest hipster

By Baynard Woods (Baltimore City Paper, 8/15/2012)

“Bowtie” Bob Nelson, Photo by J.M. Giordano

“Bowtie” Bob Nelson is seemingly ubiquitous, rivaled only by BMA Director and benevolent scene queen Doreen Bolger in attendance of the city’s hip events: He goes out between five and seven nights a week, to anything that sounds cool: a gallery opening in SoWeBo, a drag burlesque show at the Windup Space, a poetry reading at Liam Flynn’s. He dances in the parking lot of Mother’s, hangs out in Fells Point, watches nearly every outdoor movie, and goes to all the after-parties. It’s not uncommon to see him in one of the warehouse spaces around Station North at 3:00 A.M. “I used to say I’d go out all the time, have a couple drinks, and look for colleens, and people thought I was a lounge lizard,” Nelson says, sitting at the booth of a local bar. “Now I say I’m networking and they say, ‘you’re working so hard.’”

Colleen is Irish slang for a woman, and Nelson’s preferred beer is Resurrection. “I love the Resurrection,” he says. “One time, I went to Hoodscape in Hampden and it was 6 P.M. I bought a couple six-packs of Resurrection and sat down with some people, and I didn’t leave until 6 A.M.”

Yes, “Bowtie” Bob is a hipster, but he is Baltimore’s oldest and unlikeliest hipster. The 67-year-old conservative loves talk radio and Fox News; he is a practicing Catholic (perhaps inspiring the love of Resurrection) and a dedicated preppy.

Today, Nelson is wearing khaki shorts, a blue polo shirt, a seersucker jacket, orange boat shoes, and circular, tortoise shell glasses, on which the waitress compliments him. “People say, ‘I like your clothes,’ and it’s nice but I don’t really care,” he says. “But I love when they notice the glasses. It took me two fucking years to find these things.”

And, of course, the bow tie. His business card has a bow tie on it, and people often just call him “Bowtie.” “I’d never been to the Hustler Club before,” he says. “But I had a reason to go, and this dancer comes up and yells, ‘Hey Bowtie.’ I must have looked worried because she explained: ‘You’re on my friend’s Facebook and I’ve seen pictures of you.’ It was funny. But I don’t really like those places. I like my naked women like I like my food: alone, at home.

Continue reading “Colleens and Resurrection — The Unlikely Tale of Baltimore’s Oldest Hipster” at Baltimore City Paper.

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Baltimorese

Posted on August 15, 2012 by atomictv

Aigs. Bummerstigger. Farn Gin. Semlem. Vollince.

This guide to “Baltimorese” was included in a Hasslinger Athletics Association (Hamilton) newsletter in 1990. I wish it didn’t cut off on the side. Download the PDF if you want to print this out in 8.5×11 format.

Related:

Here is page 1 of the Hasslinger newsletter:

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Did Flo’s Boss Defend Killer Driver to Avoid Paying Up?

Posted on August 14, 2012 by atomictv

Rather than pay 100k life insurance policy, Progressive defends woman’s killer

By Lou Colagiovanni (Examiner.com, 8/14/2012)

Matt Fisher and Kaitlynn Fisher

Baltimore resident Kaitlynn Fisher, 24, was involved in an automobile accident which stole her life on June 19, 2010. She was struck at an intersection by Ronald Kevin Hope III, who ran a red light. Hope had minimal insurance, but Fisher’s policy had a special clause which called for her insurer, Progressive Insurance, to cover the difference if and when she was involved in an accident with someone who was under insured. Rather than pay Fisher’s $100,000 life insurance policy Progressive opted to aid in the defense of her killer, in hopes that if found innocent they would not be required to pay out her policy. This is despite a witnesses account that Hope struck Fisher.

The Fisher family has been reeling for over two years in disbelief that their trusted insurance company would behave in such a way, while having to absorb court costs all along. The jaw dropping account has been fully detailed by Kaitlynn’s older brother, Matt Fisher, a comedian, on his tumbler account. He describes the situation:

Progressive spokesgirl “Flo”

“Carrying Progressive insurance and getting into an accident does not entitle you to the value of your insurance policy. It just pisses off Progressive’s lawyers. Here I address you, Prospective Progressive Insurance Customer: someday when you have your accident, I promise that there will be enough wiggle room for Progressive’s bottomless stack of in-house attorneys to make a court case out of it and to hammer at that court case until you or your surviving loved ones run out of money.

Which is what Progressive decided to do to my family. In hopes that a jury would hang or decide that the accident was her fault, they refused to pay the policy to my sister’s estate.

As it happens in the state of Maryland, it is not legal for a private party to sue an insurance company if they refuse to pay out a policy. Instead individuals must sue the offending party in civil court, and if they win a judgment they are then allowed to use the judgment as leverage to sue the insurance company.”

Continue reading “Rather than pay 100k life insurance policy, Progressive defends woman’s killer” at Examiner.com.

“My dead sister paid for Progressive to defend driver who killed her”: Brother’s outrage at insurance company’s efforts to avoid paying claim

By Emily Anne Epstein (Daily Mail Online, 8/13/2012)

A brother has called out at an insurance company after it paid for lawyers to defend the negligent driver who killed his sister to avoid paying out on her policy in full.
Kaitlynn Fisher, 24, was hit and killed by a driver who ran a red light in Baltimore.

Now Matt Fisher, Katie’s older brother, wrote a desperate account of his family’s fight with Progressive, an auto insurance company, after they resorted to extreme measures to avoid the bill.

Mr Fisher says that not only did Progressive refuse to pay the $100,000 policy to her estate, they even went so far as to pay for her killer’s attorney.

Kaitlynn Fisher was driving on N. Calvert Street in Baltimore when she was hit by an SUV on June 19, 2010.

Her Honda Insight was pushed onto a curb and head-on into a light pole by the impact. The other driver, Ronald Kevin Hope III, had run a red light. He was unharmed in the accident.

Continue reading “Brother’s outrage at insurance company’s efforts to avoid paying claim” at Daily Mail Online.

Related:

  • “My Sister Paid Progressive Insurance to Defend Her Killer In Court” — Matt Fisher
  • Statement on the Fisher Case — Progressive
  • Online post about refusal to pay fatal accident claim goes viral — Baltimore Sun

Posted in 2010s, Baltimorons, Charles Village, Deaths | Leave a comment