Rant Rail

My favorite feature in the b free daily paper is the Rant Rail, where angry Baltimoreans – under the liberating cloak of anonymity – tell us how they really feel in Twitter-length snark attacks. I know the City Paper, by tradition, must hate everything associated with the Baltimore Sun, but the politically incorrect carping reminds me a lot of their old “Nose” column.

This rant from today is typical of the column. Feel the love!

I hate this city. It’s infested with drugs, crime, ignorant disrespectful men and dirty excuses for women! And too many junkies! Stop leaning and shower!

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Baltimore Tattoo Museum’s Bill Stevenson

“Skin Deep,” Baltimore Magazine, January 2008

Baltimore Magazine City Guide 2009 Spotlight

Take a trip inside the fascinating Baltimore Tattoo Museum,
featured in Baltimore Magazine’s June 2009 City Guide.

Related Links

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Wild Bill Hagy: The Irrepressible Human Manifestation of “Oriole Magic”

(Baltimore Magazine, 1/2008)

Wild Bill Hagy defied the conventions of celebrityhood. He achieved an unlikely renown—hounded by autograph seekers, meeting Presidents Carter and Reagan, featured in The New Yorker—by leading his signature “O-R-l-O-L-E-S” cheers from Section 34 in the upper deck of Memorial Stadium during the team’s glory years of the late 1970’s and early 1980’s. Aggressively unglamorous—bowlegged, a bald spot planted in the midst of a thicket of unruly dark hair, and a scraggly beard immune to grooming—Hagy twisted his mall-Santa-in-training physique into walk-like-an-Egyptian approximations of the letters that spell “Orioles.” Doing so rallied his cabal of friends and co-conspirators, and the fans, into delirious support of the home team.

“I just remember how much control he had over the crowd,” Rick Dempsey, the Orioles catcher during Hagy’s heyday, related to The Sun this past August after Wild Bill died at age 68. “In an era when the Orioles were on fire, he turned the crowd on fire.”

A cab driver for local taxi firms Jimmy’s, North Point, and County during the day, Hagy metamorphosed into ultra-fan for night games. In a spring 1979 segment of the defunct WJZ-TV program Evening Magazine (accessible via YouTube), Hagy, after knocking off from his cabbie shift in midafternoon, assembles his Section 34 votaries at east side watering hole Ed’s In (yes, “In,” not “Inn”) for some pre-game Budweiser hoisting. The group then piles into a van and sets off for Memorial Stadium, coolers full of beer in tow. Settled into his Section 34 sanctum—chosen, Hagy explains, because of its “general admission” status and its strategic location with “a restroom right down the bottom of the ramp”—Hagy is shown periodically rising from his seat, whipping his hat over his head, bellowing “Are you ready?”, and leading cheers for then-Orioles players Lee May, Ken Singleton, and Al Bumbry (“C’mon, Al, hit a home run now!”).

Born in Sparrows Point, Hagy first saw the O’s play as a teenager in 1954. His cheerleading began in 1977 and continued unabated until 1985, when team management forbade fans from bringing alcohol into the stadium. The night before the policy became effective, Hagy chugged 10 beers and then ritualistically hurled his cooler from Section 34 onto the field in protest. He declared a boycott of the stadium, which he rigorously maintained until the place closed in 1991.

Although Hagy relented to attend the occasional game at Camden Yards, he cut a considerably more discreet figure. And in what proved to be a literal last hurrah, Hagy led an “0-R-I-O-L-E-S” cheer in Cooperstown. N.Y., during the festivities that accompanied Ripken’s Baseball Hall of Fame induction. A month later, he died.

“He was a diehard hometown guy,” Hagy’s longtime friend and roommate Wayne Kaiser told The Sun, “and he liked that he could get people excited about the team he loved.”

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Baltimore’s “Bishop Barry Bug Scrunching Whole House $99.00 Special”

The best “Best Of” in the City Paper’s Best Of Baltimore 2010 ish – and one of the few awards that DIDN’T go to yet another hipster store-bar-boutique in Hampden, hipster bar-performance space in the Station North Arts District, or fringe experimental filmmaker whose work no one has seen. It can happen!

Baltimore City Paper’s 2010 “Best of Baltimore”

Best viral video: Jesus Christ Bail Bonds
12 S. Calvert St., 2nd floor, (410) 292-3029, bailoutbailoutbailout.com

Locked up and afraid? Jesus Christ Bail Bonds has the salvation you need. In the 2009 TV commercial (viewable at http://tinyurl.com/lukeof), Bishop Barry wears a zoot suit and speaks into a gold microphone in what appears to be the closet R. Kelly spent so much time in. A man in a gold suit yells “Bail out! Bail out!” after everything the Bishop says with a smirk that says, Let’s do something that would make baby Jesus blush. The JCBB commercial was featured on Web Soup (the even less-renowned spin-off of Talk Soup hosted by that guy from Singled Out) in the process of going semi-viral. And if nothing else, it offers an answer to the question WWJD if he got arrested?

(Thanks to Sean Carton for pointing us towards frankmarchant’s Youtube channel.)
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