Baltimore 98 Rock Street Sheet (1983)

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The sleeves on concert jerseys provided added warmth for drinking Canadian beer.

Flash on back to 1983 with the electrifyingly Nagel-esque “98 Rock Street Sheet” — an advertising supplement fueled by a Canadian Moosehead/Molson knock-off beer. (What the hell IS Calgary Beer?)

The “Street Sheet” features a Franken and Davis cover story about their upcoming laff-fest at the Towson Center — a comedy event so small scheduled for a venue so large that it obviously never took place. (I still have my unused ticket somewhere in an old pair of OP blue corduroy shorts, it was $2.98 or $3.98 or something ending in 98 cents because it was, you know…)

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I command YOU to watch my “Solar Dance”!

Then we get to relive a concert event so pathetic that all history of it has been erased until now:

‘The biggest and the best ever!” That’s how Mayor Schaefer described 98
Rock’s concert in War Memorial Plaza. His Honor declared it “Solar
Energy Day” in Baltimore to celebrate the first-ever solar powered concert
in Maryland. Bootcamp performed and the Mayor came up onstage and
danced with the audience when Timmy and the band began to play “Shut
Up and Dance.” 

The Mayor performed a “Solar Dance” for a sweat towel. Jesus. Had I known Schaefer was a “sweat queen” I could have paid for my 1981 Mustang hatchback with sunroof with sweat towels instead of letting the sweat of my labor pour down my brow into the cardboard 6-gallon ice cream containers at the Friendly’s carryout window.

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Mayor Schaefer trades a handshake for a sweat towel.


Let’s hope Bootcamp only presented their sweat towels to the mayor and not their gunk towels from their visit to Baltimore’s infamous adult nightspot “The Block.”

Rocktober is for Booze Cruises!

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And you thought only hipster males in 2014 could wear hats at jaunty angles.

Next up, Crack the Sky’s John Palumbo is being difficult again, threatening to end Crack the Sky for the umpteenth time because this video went nowhere on MTV:

And a quick interview with Alana Shor (Paper Cup, Shor Patrol) after her “fiery set” at the Timonium State Fair. Over on his blog Accelerated Decrepitude, Tom Warner adds:

“I still remember the Baltimore Bays theme song they used to play over the loudspeakers, “It’s a Gold & Red World.” It was sung by none other than future crappy-lounge-coverband chanteuse Alana Shor (of Tiffany, Paper Cup, Shor Patrol – who flirted with national recognition in 1983 with their “Loverboy” single – and countless other forgettable ephemeral ensembles). I still have the 45 (featuring red text on a gold label, natch). I think the jingle was something along the lines of “It’s a gold, a gold and red world when the Baltimore Bays come on/A little pass here and little pass there and we score, baby we score!””

Also: Lopez’s “Guaranteed All-inclusive Guide to Surviving the First Two Weeks of College” plus slight mentions of the Baltimore Orioles, the Baltimore Colts AND the Baltimore Blast!

Read the 98 Rock Street Sheet.

This entry was posted in 1980s, Baltimorons, William Donald Schaefer and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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