National Enquirer: “John Waters NOT Dead!”

By Dick Siegel (The National Enquirer, 3/7/2013)

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Acclaimed filmmaker cult icon JOHN WATERS is DEAD – but is he? He’s NOT, The ENQUIRER happily reports.

Social media erupts after a report surfaced online saying John Waters was dead, The Baltimore Sun said.

Trying to make a name for themselves (and evidently succeeding) so-called news org National Report published a would-be obit for the self-proclaimed King of Sleaze with the header: “Acclaimed Cult Filmmaker, John Waters … Drops Dead at 67!”

The report said he was found dead — apparently of natural causes in his Baltimore home amidst his vast treasure trove of America’s trashiest and most iconoclastic collectibles including paintings by serial killer John Wayne Gacy and rare back issues of The NATIONAL ENQUIRER.

Continue reading “John Waters Not Dead!” at The National Enquirer.

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Zombie Vanessa and John Waters

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Yet Another Onion Ravens Parody: Only 20,000 Killed During Ravens’ Super Bowl Parade

Final Police Report: Only 20,000 Killed During Ravens’ Super Bowl Parade

The Onion (3/1/2013)

ray-onionBALTIMORE—After taking under a month to sort through the carnage from theRavens’ Super Bowl victory parade, Baltimore police issued an encouraging report Friday, revealing that the festivities had resulted in just 20,278 fatalities.

According to the report, the corpses littering the area surrounding Commerce Street included less than 5,410 residents killed by gunshot wounds, a mere 9,553 stabbing victims, and, in a particularly welcome surprise, a near-negligible 2,892 casualties who were violently beaten to death.

“This is a great day for Baltimore,” said police commissioner Anthony Batts, who noted that several hundred officers had worked nonstop since February 5th investigating the site of the massacre. “We planned for between 40,000 and 50,000 bodies, so to end up with a fraction of that—well, it’s really a testament to the willpower and restraint of our residents.”

Continue reading “Final Police Report: Only 20,000 Killed During Ravens’ Super Bowl Parade” at The Onion.


New Orleans Police Struggle To Contain Rioting Ray Lewis After Ravens’ Super Bowl Victory

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RIP Harris Glenn “Divine” Milstead (1945-1988)

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100 rejected Maryland vanity license plates

(WBAL TV 11, 3/1/2013)

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View the other 95 license plates at WBAL TV 11.

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